New Story

… Or How One Word Can Change Everything.

photo: hand lines by Bill Rhodes Photography

“If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people.”

~ Thich Nhat Hanh

In the class I am teaching on Sacred Archetypes, we explored  the archetype of the Fool the first week. The Fool is that part of us that says YES!! She is available to us all the time. The Fool launches out on her new adventure  and the unexpected regardless of what more “reasonable” minds may tell her. She steps out over the cliff of what she has known to boldly explore and say YES! to whatever may come.

YES!

As a commitment to engaging my inner Fool, I decided to say YES! to whatever came my way. This was inspired by the Jim Carrey movie, Yes Man, a beautiful representation of the Fool’s journey. Almost as if on cue, a friend invited me to visit a large African American church the following Sunday. I gulped and said yes… not very enthusiastically. You see, I haven’t stepped foot into a church other than New Thought since I was a child. Sunday came and I attended as promised. It was wonderful. The congregation was friendly. The gospel choir was ROCKING and the minister and sermon were inspiring. It was a wonderful experience.

My YES! on that day opened something quite unexpected  in me. You see, I was raised Jehovah’s Witness. By the time I was 6 yrs. old, I could not wait to grow up so that I would not have to endure what felt to me like torture every Sunday. As soon as I was old enough to stand my ground as a teenager, I refused to go. Jehovah was NOT a God I could endure. So I began my own journey.

As the years went by, whenever my mother would attempt to minister to me, I would cut her off and change the subject. Even after my brother went into “the Truth” I kept my distance and made it clear that I wanted to hear nothing of it. Intellectually, I respected their decision to serve God as they chose and could give you a list of the value of this religion in the lives of many. It simply was not for me. My own journey has been rich and deep…  I never gave it another thought.

A breakthrough

Then on that beautiful day last month at church, I realized that I had rejected the God of my ancestors and in doing so, I had rejected a part of myself, of the story that is part of my very foundation. The realization was stunning to me. Though I was not in a Jehovah’s Witness Kingdom Hall, I was experiencing the God of my ancestors, who were mostly Baptist. I realized that my childhood rejection cut me off from something vital to me. In that moment, at that church, I understood that I was and am free to express my faith as appropriate to me, however, I could do so without dismissing the gifts of this particular expression of the Divine.

In that moment, I could see how this expression of faith has sustained my people through the countless indignities of being enslaved; of life-sucking Jim Crow institutions; of economic hardships; and of the social pressures that come with being human made more difficult by living in a society that regarded them as 2nd class citizens.

In that moment, something powerful shifted and I made peace with Jehovah God. Tears began to roll and people around me thought that I was being called to join the church. This was not what I was feeling. I was overwhelmed by the emotions running through my body as I silently expressed my gratitude to my ancestors, to the way they worshiped and to God for bringing me this healing. I began a conversation with Jehovah that day and realized that He is different than I remembered. I could hear a loving and benevolent Being whispering in my ear, very UNLIKE the angry and vengeful God of my childhood.

The prodigal daughter comes home

A week later, I called my mother to tell her that I respected and loved Jehovah in my own way. She almost burst into tears and told me that I had given her a very great gift. I could feel the ground of my being shift during that conversation. Somehow, I felt more solid. My relationship with my 83 yr. old mother shifted, deepened. What I had not realized was how deeply my life-long stance affected her and our relationship. In gratitude, she invited me to come to Passover, which was last Tuesday. In that moment, I thought “Yikes!”. I was ready to make peace, but NOT go to the Kingdom Hall.

All kinds of thoughts ran through my head… “I don’t want to do this… but, I made a commitment to YES!… how do I get out of this now?” Thinking out loud, I said “Okay…” she said, “great, see you on Tuesday.” After hanging up, I was regretful. I wanted to make peace not attend. I remembered my FOOLISH spiritual practice and decided to do it.

Tuesday came and it was very much as I had remembered it, however, this time I could sit in appreciation and respect. No, it was still not for me, but now I could truly appreciate how they found and nourished their faith. Just like the church I had visited the week before, I saw people doing the best they could with what they had been given. What more can any of us do?

Ground of being

Something powerful continues to stir in me. It feels like a brick that has been missing from my foundation for 35 yrs. is suddenly back in place. I feel greater access to the wisdom of my ancestors and a greater appreciation for the struggles they endured so that I could have THE CHOICE to “reject” their religion and choose my own path. But I wonder, can we really reject something so integral to ourselves without denying something that is foundational to who we are?

We all have to make our own way and create our own relationship with the Divine as we understand It. This is the gift of our times, hard-won by the sacrifices, blood and tears of countless generations before us. And today, many people around the world still do not have religious freedom.

And so, on this day, I say thank you to my mother and father; to my grandmothers and grandfathers and ancestors… all my relations, as our Native American sisters and brothers would say.  I say thank you to you for your journey, which enriches my own, and all those who went before us…. all our relations.  We are the farthest point of evolution for them. In many ways, we are their dreams made manifest. As my mother and grandmothers cooked and cleaned houses, they dreamed that their children and grandchildren would have more choices born of greater freedoms. As my grandfather drove that truck, he imagined a world where a college degree would be a real attainable goal for his children.

So here we are. Let’s honor them, their journey and legacy even as we further it with our own lives and our own relationship with a living and evolving God/Jehovah/Great Spirit/Universe/Divine… and may we be good ancestors.

Namaste.

photo by ChrisK4u

“Our greatest responsibility is to be good ancestors.”
~ Jonas Salk

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